Me, My Outlook and..

I have been a corporate guy for the past year and a half now. Crisp shirts, smart pants, leather belts and shiny shoes, that's how you would see me 5 days a week x 8hrs a day. That's 40 hrs a week of sheer professionalism.

These 40 hrs a week I'm expected to stay Calm, collected and most importantly ACT professional. And I think.. this ACTING professional thing is really driving me crazy now!

To be more clear check out the snazzy chart or in corporate terms, 'Kindly acknowledge the data in the graphical spreadsheet.'

* Above figures may have been tweaked to please managers!

As you can clearly see i spend a good 52 % of the day on communications, 38% of which is outlook based. For all the late bloomers, 'Outlook' is a personal information manager developed by Microsoft that helps you manage all your electronic mail.

A gentle greeting, concise subject, descriptive body, thankful closure and salutations is what i have to frame at least 15 - 50 times in a day. I see 10's of different salutations each day often a derivative of a simple word 'Regards'.Also, I prefer to use the root word, so my emails would read..

Regards,

Animesh Kundu
ABC XYZ
DDI: xXXXXXXXXXX Extn: XXX-XXXX
Mobile: +XX XXXX XX XXXX
---------------------------------------------------------------

The derivatives would go as warm regards, best regards, kind regards and so on. Ya! cause unlike those regards the regards that i dish out, are usually cold, stale and rude, eh?  :|

Anyways, not straying away from the gist here, "When at work, outlook is inseparable".

Birthday greetings, farewell's, invitations, treats, party mailers and.. ya! work mails too.. it's outlook all the way! All with a professional touch.

It's almost like a stuck up official facebook. Sometimes you miss the regular one on one conversations. People no longer speak as much at work, cause now they all have a changed outlook towards speaking out loud.

Ever wondered what it is like to convey everyday events in an official email, imagine explaining to the HR people and your pals at work ,why your in jeans on a Wednesday.. (yes! apparently it's a big deal to be wearing jeans on a formal working day.)

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From: Kundu, Animesh ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||


Sent: Wednesday, |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 10:19 AM

To: ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Subject: Why am i wearing jeans today?



Dear All,

Today is a sad day.

Today we mourn the death of a companion, my only pair of formal shoes…

At 21:47 hrs yesterday as I opened the shoe cabinet and reached for my beloved shoes to apply a fresh coat of shine on it… little did I realize that a devilish iron nail sticking out from the cabinet could be so fatal.

As I grabbed my shoe, so did the nail; in the process ripping it from the sole(read 'Soul').

At 21:55 hrs we rushed him to the shoe doctor. They said he was in a critical state.

At 8:05 hrs this morning ‘My only pair of Formal shoes’ left earth for its heavenly abode.

R.I.P

P.s I hope this answers why I'm wearing Jeans today.. as obviously, it would be very awkward wearing formal pants with a pair of trekking shoes.

I hope you understand.

Regards,
Animesh Kundu
----------------------------------

true story!

By now and if you must think that I've completely lost it... i have just four words for you..

you're not entirely wrong! =)

De Bang!

Last week pretty much redefined my movie going definition.In an era where film makers are busy metamorphosing real in to reel, the refreshing change this one particular movie brought about was more than welcome.

Cliched dialogues, sleazy jokes, weird choreography, despicable action scenes, the same ol story and yet.. it was all worth it! Now before you go ahead and label my taste and this post as a movie review I'd like to tell you a little story...

It was the fall of 2002. Only a few months to the board exams, which meant end of high school! Like most, we were boys raging to become MEN. And that's when we decided to take our first step into manhood.. well not exactly.. 'We watched an 'A' rated film'!( pffft! i know...)

The Indian remake of The Reservoir Dogs was showing at cinemas that winter and it became a unanimous choice.(Still clueless.. why the hell was it rated 'A'!). The fellow who was supposed to get those tickets turned out to be a cheapskate. He let the balcony seats pass and got us tickets to the 'STALL' in the bargain saving us 10 freaking bucks per head. Some deal, huh?! But hey! I'm not complaining... if he had not done what he did, i wouldn't have been blogging this!

The STALL: It came into existence a few thousand years ago in the Ancient Greek theaters. The 'Stall' was a medium to separate the Masses from the Classes. Back in 90's and early y2k it had become a bit of a nightmare for the niche movie goer. The place smelled weired, the chairs were rickety, the audience - Shady, and by the end of it all, you were sure to get a stiff neck if you know what i mean...

As we walked into that wretched place,there were a few glances at first.. but the attention soon moved to the skimpily clad women on the screen as the movie began. Of us six stooges who were supposed to enter this mayhem one wiseguy decided to give the movie a pass. Lucky B*$t#rd! I thought... My cheap buddy here who got us the tickets showed his supremely elegent talent once again and managed to sell the extra ticket to an old timer who was now sitting besides me...
Generaly.. I don't freak out around old people and i was pretty cool till the old timer got all worked up about a joke where the hero walks up to the sidekick, places a freakin dynamite on his head and says "Bata.. agar tere sar pe bomb rakha to pehle kya phatega!?"

Lewd whistling and sarcastic comments were the order of the day. I'm not sure who i felt more pity for.. my cheapskate pal who i thought would enjoy it the most but had a splitting headache by half time or the chap sitting on the left of the freak old timer, who had brought his entire family for a pleasant movie outing... yes! his entire family...

We din't come out of that theater disappointed that day.. Some of us were smiling at the end of it, some of us were not. But one thing was sure.. We were never gonna experience anything like that ever again.

Until last week..

We were in a stall of sorts, but the chairs weren't rickety, neither was the air weired, the audience seemed descent.. but still, somehow it brought back all those memories. This time however we were one with the level of the entertainment being dished out... :P
Couldn't be just the movie... I think it's the people who you watch it with that makes the difference..

Yes! They were the same set of individuals who once walked into that god forsaken theater 8 years back. Though not all of them.. but all that mattered. As they say "You're only as good as the people once around you".

Thanks ya'll for making this movie a degrading, low down and cheap scale entertaining experience!

P.S Anybody out here up for DeshDrohi 2? when does it hit the screens?! ;)

"Chedi Singh.. Hum tumme itne ched karenge kee conphuge ho jaoge kee sans kaha se le aur …"

The Text Theory

The INBOX - Often the most cluttered folder in your cell fone, only a few realize the amount of information the that goes into it. The other day i happened to browse through the folder in discussion and came out amazed... Now I know what a flash back sequence really feels like! i jus re-lived the last two years of my life....

And that's when i came up with 'The Text Theory'

The Text Theory - Here's how it works... everytime you text or recieve a text, save it... however insignificant it may be. Friends, Foes, Salesmen, Girlfriend, Boyfriend, Mum, Dad, Boss, or the Bimbo nxt door, they've all got a story to tell, Your Story... Don believe me, Go Read!

04 NOVEMBER 2008 1:43 PM

04 DTSP
12 MCS
17 MDC
22 DCOM
29 RADAR/IP

- This the most awaited as well as the most feared text in the engineering community. The Exam Schedule!


04 NOVEMBER 2008 3:24 PM

hey this is my new no. please store it.

Raghu

- gr8! right in time for the exam schedule.

05 NOVEMBER 2008 9:03 AM

dis. is my another new no. I'll switch according to my convinience.

Raghu

- WTF!?

14 NOVEMBER 2008 11:51 PM

I'm getin a stupid feeling abt CAT. y am i giving it this yr? big waste oftime! :)

- ya dude! one day before d exam, that's so damn comforting! :|


15 NOVEMBER 2008 9:43 PM

Js get some of your material tom re... thoda padh lenge drive ke time pe.
xam ka mood banega fir.

- Now you know why none us cracked it!

19 NOVEMBER 2008 12:54 AM

Sweedy, will get back and call yu tom.. nyty nyt
Mwah!

- and she never calls... well, we've all met one, haven't we!? :P

11 DECEMBER 2008 10:46 PM

sochte honge kisko bataye apni dil ka haal! Mat ho pareshan kyu ki aap ke shehar mein hai woh dost jo sune sirf aapki baat. Call 9930422023... Rs. 9/min.

- best sms advert ever.... hahahaha!


22 DECEMBER 2008 8:02 PM

I pray that any person who tries to screw your happiness, may his ass begin to itch and his hand grows shoter and he can't reach it! Do well!

- Now thats how yu wish 'Best o luck'!

12 FEBRUARY 2009 1:11 PM

Hey if yu are attending OFC ka lecture please mark my attendence. thanks!

- 10 in class that day. Attedence marked for 25! :P

17 FEBURARAY 2009 1:43 PM

Hey m feeling a lot of pain in my tummy.. won be able to come today... going to the doctor's .. PLZ MARK MY ATTENDENCE!:)


- Achivieng 50% attendence is a lot OK!

24 FEBURARY 2009 12:51 PM

Dude we're in the finals! BE Civil v/s BE Extc

- and we nailed it too!!! :D


1 MARCH 2009 10:46 AM

Fine! X( i'll mark your proxy...

- Thanks! sweetheart

17 MRACH 2009 9:56 AM

Well known prof from Nagpur University, dandwate aka 'The punishment distributor'

- "who's lecture am i missing?" and pop comes the reply.

28 APRIL 2009 12:27 AM

BABA is sloshed! woh ashih ki maar raha hai... he's calling me up and telling me teri love life ke baare mein bata... wtf!?

- :P

27 APRIL 2009 7:33 PM

Beti: Maa gaon mein film waale aaye hai
Maa: Andar aaja inki niyat bahut kharab hoti hai
Beti: par 'Ashish Balure' bhi aaya hai
Maa: Toh tere bhai ko bhi andar le aa!!!

- BWA-HAHAHAHAHA... sorry balure! :(

28 MAY 2009 7:18 PM
Ting Tong: Yatrigan Kripaya dhyan de , gaadi no 290509 BYE BYE BE EXPRESS, aapke zindagi ke platform pe anne wali hai. Aapke naye safar ki yaatra sukhad ho. dhanyawad

- Cheesy! but true... sniff! :'(


23 JUNE 2009 8:48 PM

No show before 12 yaar. saala paisa bhi khatam ho gaya hai...

- was the same story... all throughout college!

21 JULY 2009 12:58 PM

Area of perimeter is 2(l + b)? is it right? reply fast!

- This was during an aptitude test. Ya! rite.... area of a perimeter!? :S

19 AUGUST 2009 9:45 AM

Hey guys dis is asish balure. It's my office no. By default the bpl no. will be there. But can't say abt airtel. Take Care

- Thats ashish balure ppl. We don need to bash him up through status updates on fb. He does that to himself every now and then. Reminds of the the
Russel Peters act YOU KILL ME... I KILL ME!!! :P ... oh and balure thanks for letting us know you got a job! :P

03 SEPTEMBER 2009 11:30 AM

Chk ur outlook please.

- This was from 5 desks away at work. People really need to start getting up and walking! :P

11 SEPTEMBER 2009 1:30 PM

Take your medicines.

- Mum! STOP IT...

12 SEPTEMBER 2009 12:00 AM

Happy Birthday!

- To mee!!!

07 DECEMBER 2009 12:03 AM

Gnyt.. Kabhi msg nai karungi. Take Care

- YES!.. YES!.. YES YES YES!!! sigh... unfortunately it wasn't the last one. :(

15 FEBURARY 2010 2:39 PM

The 'BRO CODE' by Barney Stinson

Genesis Verse 23:

A gal came home late nd tells she was at her frns house. Dad cald 10 of her frns bt all of em tell she wasn't there.


A bro stays out the whole nite, tells he was at his frns place. Dad cald 10 of his frns, 8 confirmed he slept at their place, 2 claimed he's still there.

- Now that is totally legen - wait for it - dairy!!! ;)

21 MARCH 2010 1:57 PM

Dude chk the news. Astronomers have found water nd ice on the moon...
apun sirf whiskey leke jaane ka... ;)

- Cheers! :D

13 MAY 2010 7:13 PM

Guys sort out the pending things quickly and come to the party - dashboard send it tomorrow morning. :)

- Now thats hw bosses should be! :D

11 AUGUST 2010 9:23 AM

hi, i got cold due to the office ac. can't come today. hope this is fine. XYZ

- Hw do u turn down a leave request like that!? :|

24 AUGUST 2010 9:21 PM

yu mind if i call a couple of other frns for movie?

- Yes! please.. i'd like to go into dark room with a bunch of strangers! ...pun intended! :|



29 AUGUST 2010 11:26 PM

Your bill of Rs. XXXX.XX due on 12 Sep 10 has been dispatched.

- ouch!


Where did i keep that debit card now!?

Whizzzkey!

Does this place look smokey? or is it just me!? The blaring audio board is no longer a nuisance, i seem to enjoy it now. Hey! that's a nice track... but so was the previous one. The place looks crowded or is it!? I'm not sure.. the lights are dim. "Do you need ice" he said... do i? I try to focus but i keep blurring out. I close my eyes; it's a whirlwind; i try stopping it; it won't. aaah...! I'm gonna fall!
Eyes open again. It's back to blurring out...

This is all so surreal.Everyone seems to be having a good time.Passion and sweat converge as bodies sway in unison. Some look dazed others daring. The lights keep flashing. Am i dead? Noe! i can't be.. I remember walking out... and then?

whats this gentle breeze?, it's as if I'm cruising... screeech! with a jolt it stops. Inertia in it's full glory pulls me forward. Snap! what was that? i look around... This place looks familiar! Out of nowhere came a voice...

"Saahab! jahaan bole the wahin le aaye hain... midnight maarke meter pe 110 rupaye hote hain...."

Back to reality!

Chucked!

Chucked [Chã - hũh - khed]:
It is kinda like f*cked except it starts with a 'CH'. The pronunciation is good enough to let you know you were conned yet leave a subtle playful humor to the entire episode . The seven letter word is fast catching popularity as people run out of vocabulary to express expressions they've never expressed.

The art of chucking is very subtle... As you try to scoop out without violating emotions, it becomes very essential to master the art before you use it. The fact that the chuck-er can chuck his/her chuck-ed more than just once... makes it a very potent deterrent.

What are the best ways to chuck then?
1. i have the conjunctivitis... ugh cough!
2. :(
3. Argentina din go through to the finals... i can't wrk today :'(
4. Oh shit! i forgot...
5. i really wanted to but..


And you definitely know you've been Chucked when:
1. Your pal buys you a 1 terabyte portable diskette, but since he's canceled his half way round the world trip, decides to use it himself instead.
2. You drag your ass to work on a weekend and your boss forgets to mark overtime.
3. You order a Café Mocha and they bring you hot chocolate.
4. You get invited for a cup coffee and ....

Go figure, you've got the hang of it by now...

Dear Paulie...

Dear Paulie



















Hope you have been hale and hearty.

Many congratulations on your highly substantiate prophecy yet again. I'm sure if Nostradamus had eight legs he wouldn't have been any different. I must say women have been finding it difficult to keep their tentacles off you.

Also I learn that you have decided to call it day. Splendid thought! Always go out when on the top or bottom well that depends on whose on top of you... ahem!

I understand that life now hasn't been very easy for you in Oberhausen. Hate mails, death threats... it's taking all the slime off the success. The idea of being fried up and landing on a dinner plate in Kyoto, Japan certainly isn't the most comforting thought either.

Please consider my proposition, Move your base to India!
How will that help? The way I see it...

1. You may die of contaminated water but that's still better dying to become food.
2. Contaminated water may not be that bad.. after all look at us, we are still thriving, I can give you a billion people who'd vouch for that.
3. You won't have to predict Indian football matches ever. We all know who's gonna win when there's an India v/s Turkmenistan clash. Don't we?!
4. You can probably consider leasing out your expertise as a consultant to Indian Parakeets who were quite popular before you came along.
5. Star in a Bollywood movie/join politics(of course, since you are not indian.. you'd probably find yourself sitting as the party president)
6. Become a Deity!

Hope you were as excited to read this as i was, writing this to you.

Hoping to see you in Indian waters soon I remain...

With Warmest Regards
The Broker in every one of us.

In the beginning...

What better day to start a blog...
Monday morning, a nation wide strike, motor free roads, shops shut, no work, peace and tranquility all around.
It all kinda reminds you of the very beginning in time. A time where the human population of the world was no greater than 2.

The two souls Adam and Eve!


The leaf bearing dude and dudette supposedly lived for 930 years seeding the human population. I know it's tough to believe but at times i am little apprehensive about what Monsignor Georges Henri Joseph Édouard Lemaître actually meant when he said it was a big bang that started it all.

The way I see it... Either way it was a big bang that started it all!
Ahem! Let's weigh the pros and cons of the Adam'n eve theory..

Advantage Adam'n Eve :
- Our ancestors aren't monkey's.
- Racism goes out of the window. Your white, black, yellow or Indian only cause your mama(eve) wasn't feeling to good on those days or had a perfectly normal delivery :P \m/
- World peace. The world would've been this one big family. A smack on the bum from your mum and suddenly you don't feel like killing your brudda anymore.
- No one goes hungry to bed.
- There is more happiness than hatred around.


Disadvantage Adam'n Eve :
- To sustain your familia, you screw your siblings for the rest of eternity.

Hey! i din't say world peace, poverty and racism were gonna be easy to deal with!